It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
Two words: nipple clamps
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