since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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