so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
