I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
