He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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