Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
