it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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