this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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