he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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