Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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