Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
