I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
