dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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