If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
