She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
