Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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