3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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