I want to make a zoo with you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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