I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
