I have demons in me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
how drunk are you?
Several
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
