I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
