He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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