he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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