What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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