So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I touched a dick in church today
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
