Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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