Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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