Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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