life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
