Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
