I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize