My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
