So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
