Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Screwed.edu
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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