how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
