You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
