I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
