I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
