I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
