you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
