doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
