I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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