Barsexuality is the new black.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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