After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
