I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am one with the molecules
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
