I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
