I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
