just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
