I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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