Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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