it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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