Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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