i don't like sucking hair
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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