just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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