Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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