I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So many bounce houses so little time
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
