Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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