and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its not stalking. its research.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
