my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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