I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
