I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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