Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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