If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
