Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
