My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My vagina is very pro this idea
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
