Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize