So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
