I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
