So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
