she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
