found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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