your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
