I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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